Author: Susan Morgan Bailey

Energetic optimist who believes there is positive badassery within all of us.

Do Love = The Antidote

Susan Morgan Bailey

The bumper sticker read “Resist Hate”

Driving along, I absorbed the statement. Initially I agreed, it was a sentiment I could get behind along with many others who are feeling sick about the divisiveness and animosity in the air these days.   But then, I felt anxiety building up inside me. To resist means to withstand the action or effect of something. In this case, hate, a word that means to feel intense or passionate dislike. Just as quickly as the initial message hit me, the negativity of the message dissipated the positive intent.


Why did this happen?

As a health and wellbeing coach, I have long studied and coached others on the power of the mind to influence our behavior. We have all heard the phrase, “what you focus on grows”. At a basic physiological level, the more we repeat our thoughts and actions, the more neural connections are formed in our brain to strengthen our beliefs and habits. Every time we do something, we reinforce the behavior or thought. Stop doing something and the action, habit or thought is likely to disappear over time (use it or lose it!).

Beyond this, the brain does not always process the modifying verb (i.e. – resist or don’t) and will focus on the main action. A statement like “I won’t eat all the cookies” might settle in the mind as “eat the cookies!” subconsciously making it more difficult to resist eating the darn cookies. In the case of the bumper sticker, my mind voice heard hate and the body responded accordingly – agitation and reminders of the reasons behind creation of the bumper sticker.

Two negatives do not equal a positive. The brain reads and processes the action at a subconscious level without interpretation. Two negative words evoke negativity at all levels. Alternatively, focusing on positive messages is a better path toward positive outcomes.

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An antidote is born

And that is how Do Love was born. Two positives can create more positivity.

Action + positive action = positive response.
An empowering statement. A positive statement.
A statement focused wholly on what we need more of – love toward one another.
An idea that also reminds us to love and have compassion for ourselves too.
Want to spread the message with me? I got so excited about this idea I created a sticker (and t-shirt, mug, and more) of my own!  You can buy them here if you like.
Do love, my friends. Do love. doheartlove

Every day is Mother’s Day

Susan Morgan Bailey

After 10 years of living with early-onset Parkinson’s Disease, my mom, Alice Louise Morgan, left her earthly body on August 10, 2003, and fully embraced the angel she’d long wrestled with inside. We weren’t expecting it. The years prior had been hellish in many ways as she struggled to live with a life altering condition and navigate a personality disorder that showed up sometime after the PD diagnosis. So, needless to say, the last 10 years of my mom’s life were challenging in many ways. Ebbing and flowing through hope following a new treatment, medicine or breakthrough while the deep sloppy psych side messed with everyone involved.

As Mother’s Day neared and friends asked about plans for the day, I found myself reflecting beyond the final chapter of mom’s life and the bigger picture of the unique woman who held the title of My Mom. The 20-ish years prior to her illness also had a lasting impact for which I am deeply grateful.

Mom was nurse, a good one. Her last years working were as a hospice nurse. Death is an extraordinarily difficult topic for many people and Alice, with grace and care, was able to be there in a hard space and time for people who needed an angel by their side.

She knew what she was good at and pursued her passion, adding a BSN to her credentials while we were in high school.  She loved houseplants, reading, going to Higgins Lake, and outdoor activities.

She was an empowering parent who was engaged enough to draw boundaries that were open enough to let us fly.  She encouraged us to have a good relationship with our father despite her own challenges to do so herself. She fed us healthy food and made sure we had life skills like knowing how to swim, because she didn’t want us to grow up with fear of the water the way she did.

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Among all the adult maturity a child lived, too. Being forced to step up and adult at young age, as one of 5 kids of an alcoholic father and losing her own mother when she was 18, she balanced between play and responsibility on many adult days.

I could write for days in an attempt to describe the beauty and complexity of my mother. Someday, I probably will. For today, in honor of Mother’s Day I dug in a bit to capture a few of the mother memories that stand out for me.

Nature…nurture…those who know me may have read these descriptions picking up on pieces of me. My mom was passionate about a helping others, in touch with something so much bigger than earthly living and serious adulting, and open to growth and new experiences.

So much of her living opened me up to how I live today.  I watched and learned and unconsciously added her to me. Beyond the DNA that binds. The body may be gone, but she’s here in me everyday.

Peace to all this Mother’s Day, a day that’s full of memories and mixed feelings for many. If that’s you or someone you know, check out the resources the team at OptionB put together to help those who don’t feel awesome on Mother’s Day.

1440 Choice Minutes

Susan Morgan Bailey

My life is full

So full

How do you do it?

So busy

Nonstop…

Things to do

Places to go

People to be with

Help to be given

Experiences to be had

Human to be

Why not?

1440 minutes in a day

To spend or squander

Some don’t have the privilege of choice

For reasons known and unknown…I am keenly aware I do

I have a choice

I make the choice

Not always easy

Sometimes I need reminders

It feels so good

Energizes my heart and soul

To be

To spend each minute

Aware

With love

Intentionally

Energetically

Because you never know

Which minute you fill will be the last

This post was written while enjoying coffee and oatmeal at the Blue Bottle coffee shop in San Francisco, CA.

For more inspiration to seize those minutes, check out this short Grateful Day video.

A Question Worth Asking…Does it bring you joy?

Susan Morgan Bailey

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In the past couple weeks, I’ve had conversations with several friends, moms of tweens/teens, on the topic of purging.   We talked about the joy of getting rid of the junk in the house that we’ve been hanging on to because we thought we might need it again or just haven’t had time to get evaluate whether it should be in the house in the first place.  We shared our stories with shining eyes and excitement as we reveled in the wide-open spaces we created in our homes and the weight that was lifted by getting rid of stuff we really didn’t need anymore.

Asking the Questions is Easy…Answering them is the Hard Part

All three of us employed some version of Marie Kondo’s philosophy which encourages us to ask whether that thing you’ve been hanging on to brings you joy. Working our way through the physical stuff we were keeping in case we needed it later, we asked that question along with the other logical ones…

  • Will I ever use ______ again?
  • Do I really need more than 1 of ________?
  • Has my family grown out of _____?

As I reflected on these conversations, I realized it’s hard, time-consuming work, going through your stuff.  I find it’s not just physically taxing, it’s emotional work too. In many ways, our stuff can become a part of the person we think we are or aspire to be…I am prepared (to put a bunch of leftovers in mismatched tupperware). I have all I need to throw a great party (what defines great?). I grind my coffee beans because I make time for fresh ground coffee in the morning (not true). I am well-read (reasonably, even though I haven’t read everything on my bookcase). I am [fill in the blank].

Our physical “stuff” represents us in so many ways – who we were, who we are now and who we aspire to be in the future. Of course, we all know our stuff doesn’t define who we are, it’s our behavior, beliefs, values and how we spend our time that make us who we are. But, sometime we forget this truth or take the easy route and focus on external stuff.  And, maybe if we have too much stuff in our closets, basements and garages it hangs over us like a cloud and gets in the way of being all we want to be and where we want to focus and spend our time.   Maybe it’s a protective coating of sorts, because going through the stuff is work we don’t feel like doing because feeling a certain way is something we are avoiding.  Or maybe we’re just plain too tired to go through our stuff because we’ve been too busy working, parenting, spousing, friending, living, etc.

But, wow!  It feels so good to let stuff go.   To make room.   Not for more stuff.  Just room. In that open space I discovered a few things I’d forgotten I owned.   I re-discovered things I wasn’t using, that I could use.   The open space shined a light on things that had gotten lost in the clutter.

Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful. William Morris

And, now I find I am working on not filling it back in with new stuff.   New stuff is fun and lights up our brain in exciting ways.   In this short time, I have found that since I don’t have the weight of the stuff hanging over me, I can focus on activities and other things that bring me joy.  It feels slightly uncomfortable…that new space that wasn’t there before. But, I am making a conscious effort to not add stuff back in.   I want to get rid of more stuff (the boys’ room drives me bonkers – that’s a whole other post waiting to be written) and free up more space.

Time will tell how successful I am – it’s going to be a busy first quarter, but I am hopeful my conscious focus on getting rid of that which is no longer of use and not filling the space with more stuff will be a part of my regular routine.  Physical, emotional…hanging onto stuff that doesn’t serve a healthy, positive purpose is not doing anyone any good.   This I know and intend to keep top of mind.

What about you?  Have you been or do you intend to be in purge mode?   What works for you?  What motivates you to purge and keep the spaces wide open once you have cleared it? Share your thoughts below.  Help us all grow through your experience.

New Beginnings

Susan Morgan Bailey

I recently learned of a Roman God named Janus – the God of New Beginnings.  He is usually depicted as having two faces, since he looks to the future and to the past.  Whether or not you believe in setting New Year’s resolutions, taking time to look back and forward is a practice worth undertaking year-round.   Grab a pen and paper or a notebook and take a few minutes to exercise your inner Janus.jake-weirick-272559

Life can only be understood backwards;
but it must be lived forwards.
Soren Kierkegaard

Hindsight is 20/20: Tools for Reflection

After Action Review

We learn through reflection and taking time out to consider what worked, what didn’t work, why, how could it be better next time? Reflection pulls us out of automatic mode and encourages conscious engagement moving forward.  The After Action Review is a tried and true method for quick review and prep for moving forward positively.

Gratitude Capture

What are you grateful for?  Nothing too small… List 10 or more things. No right or wrong answers. Each year I do this between my birthday (Dec 25) and the New Year.   Gratefully, I had much to be grateful about this past year!

Another option, consider the roles you played in the past year.  Friend, partner, parent…list out the roles you played and reflect on one reason you are happy to have had the opportunity to play that role in 2017.

Energy Flows Where Attention Goes: Set Intentions

What do you want for your life this year?   Knowing there are only 24 hours in a day, consider how you like to spend those 1,440 minutes.

Again, reflect on your roles and consider what success looks like in each area.  Write down each role and an action statement or three that reflects how you’ll bring that success to life.  For example, one of my roles for 2018 is to parent my 12 and 13-year-old boys and one of my actions is giving them focused attention daily.   Might seem simple, but for someone who moves a thousand miles an hour, focusing my attention on individual loves of mine is something I want to practice more in 2018.

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I am student of behavior and could go very deep into what it takes to create and stick with habits.   That said, I’ll keep it brief, because the New Year has already begun and I like you I am ready to roll.

Change happens when we stay focused on what we are wanting.  Keep your intentions front and center – hang them on your mirror, in your closet, somewhere where you’ll look at them daily. I had a little fun with colored markers and created a word collage of the wellbeing actions I’ll be focusing on in 2018. I will be posting somewhere where I’ll see it each morning before I head off for the day.

If Change Was Easy

Feel like you’ve been here before?  Worried you’ve got a long list of “to-do’s” that won’t get done?  Try one of these techniques…

We grow through what we go through.  Taking time to reflect on the experiences we’ve had and align our intentions moving forward is a time-tested way to get where we want to go. Where would the ship end up if the captain didn’t keep an eye on the horizon and check the compass periodically?

2018 has tremendous potential! Share this post if you found it helpful and share your thoughts in the comments below if you have other tricks you use to stay on track and Be Awesome!